Well, it can be. I have a client who always puts others first - and its ruining his life! He wants to value himself and feel self-confident - but whenever he puts his needs before those of his family, fiends or colleagues - or even thinks of so doing - he immediately feels guilty. So I suggested that he first accept that he will feel guilty when he puts himself first - and then choose to put himself first and feel the guilt anyway. Which is fine as far as it goes - but it's a difficult instruction to follow. No one finds it easy to choose uncomfortable or painful feelings which you may have spent a lifetime trying to avoid.

So here's the reframe we found which changes the guilt from an enemy to an ally. When he feels the guilt, this is a clear indicator that he is putting himself first - so the more guilt he feels, the more he is achieving his goal! By choosing to hold this way of experiencing his guilt as information rather than emotional state he has been able change his behaviour and then his self-image. And in doing this, the guilt is gradually dissolving in the light of his growing self-confidence.